Nostalgia, Beef Jerky, and Airplane Etiquette

**This is a picture of my hand, close-up.  No, it has nothing to do with this post...I just like it!

It is September 9th, 2011.  Summer, the "time to enjoy the sweet things in life" is over, while summer the "time to try to prepare for classes in fetid, humid air" lingers on...I will say though, that the mornings and evenings are getting cooler here in central Japan, and Autumn is whispering all kinds of sweet nothings in my ear as I bike to work. 

Travelling home to Seattle in summer was, of course, wonderful.  This year was also my 30-year High School reunion, so it was an especially nice trip. My head and dreams are filled with faces of friends and teachers, blueberries, raspberries, and the lakes, trees and the glorious smells of the Pacific Northwest. I am finding it hard to snap out of my reminiscences and think about the second term of school which will begin very soon... so I am giving myself a lot of "breaks", i.e. a little time to recount the story of flying back to Japan from Seattle in this post.

My seat on the plane, just in front of the wing, was a window seat on the right hand side of the cabin. I had boarded early, as my recent "Silver Medallion" frequent-flyer status allows (...I thought this early-boarding was meaningless when I scanned the chart of things I DIDN'T get until becoming a "Platinum Medallion" member, but the beauty of being assured space in the overhead bin and being able to settle in my seat without impatient people trying to get around me with lumpy suitcases won me over very quickly!).  My one and only neighbor very politely smiled at me before putting his bag up above and a little carry on under the seat in front of him. That is when everything took a bad, nearly evil turn...He pulled out a very large, EXTRA-SPICY bag of Beef Jerky to place in the seat pocket in front of him! BEEF JERKY!

Now don’t get me wrong—I do not wish to put down the Seattle-founded Oh, Boy! Oberto company (yes, the exclamation point is part of their name).  In fact, in junior high school I ate enough of the stuff to pave the road to, well, the other Emerald City (Get it? Seattle’s nickname?) *I am talking strictly jerky here...even THEN I knew that those “pepperoni sticks” were vile! **Hey! It just occurred to me that maybe the school allowed the stuff to be sold in the student store in the first place NOT because it was supporting a local company but because they knew the power of pepperoni sticks in keeping young hormone-driven lips apart! Smelly food for thought... But back to the recent past:

The man...The extra-spicy beef jerky...the .00001 millimeters between our seats...and the 10+ hours we were about to share together on an international flight...

In the name of self-defense, with the speed that can only be generated by true “fight or flight” situations (and paired, perhaps, with a small dose of general middle-age crankiness at the lack of public decorum infesting society...), I said:

Jen: (in a dramatic stage whisper, with big, surprised eyes, only 1/2 turned toward the man): “Beef Jerky?! No…..no, no, no, no nononononooooo, he CAN’T plan on eating beef jerky on a PLANE with no air circulation!…It MUST be a gift for someone back home! Wow…beef jerky…on a plane!...hehehe…” (shakes head in disbelief)

Man: (with blank look) “ .................”.

I wasn’t sure he could understand me…the flight was going from Seattle to Tokyo, then on to China and Vietnam…he could have been from anywhere.  Not that his being able to understand me or not excuses my rudeness (But truly, was I any more rude than he was, bringing BEEF JERKY on a ten-hour international flight?! And what about the Airport selling the stuff? Talk about RUDE! I’d say THEY have a bit of explaining to do: endangering the air of millions of passengers and crew-members alike on a daily basis! I think I’ll write a letter!). I finally knew he did understand when, the first time he got up from his seat he took the offensive meat-product with him and came back to the seat smelling suspiciously minty-fresh! He had obviously brushed his teeth (and possibly downed half a bottle of mouthwash) after his snack. I smiled very brightly at him and sighed a big inward sigh of relief.   He said perhaps two things to me during the flight, “excuse me” and “sorry”...and I hardly blame him...who wants to talk to a crazy, rude woman? As I rarely enjoy talking to strangers on flights, his not interacting with me was a second, hidden “reward” for my rudeness I guess...

Karma can work very quickly, though: just after I stage-whispered my dismay at my seat-mate’s choice of in-flight nourishment, the girl/woman (impossible for me to guess) sitting in front of me decided, 30 minutes in to the flight, that it STILL wasn’t time to close her window-shade.  All of the others were closed and had been closed since the last Seattle-esque speck of land had disappeared from sight. I realized that I was still wearing my sunglasses and when I took them off, I was nearly blinded by that special light that is only found at 37,000 feet.  I quickly put them back on and assessed the situation.  Technically, the window was part mine....3/4 of it hers, but 1/4 of it fell decidedly on my side of the back of her seat. Telling myself it was one of those situations where it was better to do a thing first and perhaps apologize for it later, I took full possession of that 1/4 and pushed the shade down.  Depending upon her reaction, I had planned on saying something like, “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you had fallen asleep and hadn’t realized that the time has come for everyone to shut their window-shades so we can sleep or watch movies!” Her reaction was to jump as if I had tasered her. She did not say anything, but slightly turned her head, as if unsure of what crazy thing I was going to do NEXT!  When nothing more came from behind her seat, she must have convinced herself that we were now in some sort of negotiation with the window-shade, because she proceeded to re-open it “just an inch”, which had the effect of not only burning my eyeballs, but burning them with the laser-like focus and intensity found only on vintage Star-Trek episodes!

Was she THAT INTERESTED in clouds? Was she hoping to see a sunset, despite the fact that we would be directly under the sun for the entire trip?! These were my thoughts as I closed the window again, while saying “I’m sorry, it is just a little too bright out there to have our shared window-shade open just now...”  A little while later I began to feel a little troll-like because it occurred to me that it might have been her first trip on an airplane....and then it occurred to me that maybe she had been  using the light to read because she didn’t know how to turn on the overhead light. Well, I had planned to find a way to show her how to do so on my way back from a trip to the bathroom and a little stretch.  Long before I made it to my seat, however, I could see that she had the window-shade open again, but was using her pillow to “block” the light from reaching me. Now, anybody who has foolishly opened an airplane window-shade mid-flight knows that the special GOD-LIGHT at that elevation has the power to penetrate skulls, not to mention the flimsy puffs that pass for in-flight “pillows.” I marveled, for a split second, at how the pillow was nearly translucent, before pushing the window-shade down once more.  She finally left it down until someone else opened their shade a few minutes before bits of the Japanese archipelago could be deciphered through the clouds.  I let her keep it open then, and suddenly wondered why she hadn’t opened the OTHER window, slightly in front of her seat, but which she must have had 3/4’s possession of...

My puzzlement melted away upon hearing what I have come to value as one of the most beautiful phrases in any language, anywhere: “Ladies and Gentlemen, we have begun our descent in to (insert city name here), where the local time is...”My brushes with beef-jerky breath and near-blindness were forgotten as I started to ponder just how many more comfortable minutes I would have before the Japanese humidity would welcome me back with open, damp arms.

Wonderful, Horrible Thursday

Today is Thursday. My "easiest" and most "difficult" day of the week: easy because I have only one class...difficult because it happens to be my largest and most unruly group! It should improve, as soon as I can remember everyone's name and use those names within sentences to keep their attention when I need to.

I have a little bit of a rant to write, but first, I hope you are enjoying the photo above...can you imagine the conversation that was had when trying to arrive at a name for their hair salon?

Keiko: I know, Junko, Let's use a foreign word...that should get some attention.

Junko: Yeah! Good idea, Keiko! But let's NOT look up the meaning of it!

(...I don't imagine I will be visiting any time soon!)

So this morning, at precisely 3:58 a.m., I am awakened by the slamming of a car door. Then I hear one of those prolonged "beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep" sounds that tells people a sliding door in a mini-van is being opened. THEN I hear rummaging, then "patta-patta-patta-patta" (the sound of someone running in ill-fitting slippers) disappearing in to the distance. Fully awake, and angry because I had only one more hour of sleep left before my alarm was set to go off, I decided to go out on my deck and see exactly who it was running around making so much noise at that hour. A woman came running back down the street, patta-patta-patta, slammed the back door of her van, pushed the button that made the sliding door close with another "beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep", and then slammed her own driver's door. This is not the first time this has happened, but it is the first time I have seen the culprit. I also realized that she parks in front of my house OUT OF CONSIDERATION FOR HER FRIEND/CUSTOMER(?) WHO LIVES DOWN THE ROAD!!! She doesn't want to park in front of her friend's house because she KNOWS it will wake them up! So much for consideration of others...if I figure out her schedule, I am going to talk with her. Nothing like an irate foreigner speaking in broken Japanese to put the fear of God in to someone at 4 a.m.!

Okay, my little rant is over. Thank you very much.

"Crunky Nude Ball", anyone? Or a pancake milkshake?

Do either of these new Japanese products need ANY explanation? I mean, obviously they were created to fulfill a need in society (...weren't they?!). Sorry- the title of the milkshake is not "pancake" but "hotcake" milkshake...hmmm, that is a nice rhyme...there may be a poem in that! Except in Japan "Hotcake" is pronounced "hot-to-ca-kie" with four syllables, so it would be "hot-to ca-kie mir-ru-ku-sha-kie"!

Summer is a-comin' in...Loud, sing cu-ckoo!

Happy Easter to one and all. I woke up very early this morning and decided to ride my bike to the ocean---it is a stunning day here. I was sitting enjoying the view and listening to my music (today was Diana Krall, Rickie Lee, and the magnificent Charlotte Rae--hence the title of today's blog!). An older man came walking up with an entire flock of pigeons following him and he stopped and started to talk to me like we were old friends. I went along with him because, well, he was pretty old...and that is just the way I am--talkative!-- when he suddenly realized that I wasn't who he thought I was. I don't even think he realized I was foreign, which is kind of funny, given my height when compared to most Japanese... not to mention my sunglasses, a ridiculous headband and the bright orange-swirly patterned sweatshirt I was wearing. Still, he asked where I was from, if we hadn't met before, and if I rode my bike there often. We chatted a while and then he walked off after a few "domo's" and bows. Nice guy, but I am glad those damn pigeons followed him! I hope the Easter bunny is generous to you all. The photo is of the "winter roses" in the small garden next to my driveway.

Jennifer's Very Busy Day 9-15-10

This is a photo of the "Shinkansen Goods" (Bullet Train Goods) I bought recently: Bullet Train Chopsticks, Bullet Train Playing Cards and a Bullet Train Tape Measure with all of the stations along the way spelled out for you! These things will always remind me of my recent, VERY busy day: September 15th, 2010.

6:30~8:00 a.m.: Overslept, finally woke up, said a little prayer for my brother-in-law Perry who passed away recently and whose memorial service was later in the day (actually, the next day, Seattle time),took shower, hung up clothes stranded in the washing machine overnight, tried to finish packing for trip to Kofu city, gave up, slurped a hurried and weak cup of tea while my piece of toast toasted, slabbed some peanut butter on it and dashed out the door to get to work just in time.

8:15~8:30: Cooled off using my personal fan on my desk at school while listening to the Principal and VP’s give us the morning news....went up to 4th floor to teach 1st class.

8:40~9:30: Taught a joint-class with my friend Mrs. Eguchi, to give our 11th Graders a chance to ask any last questions they might have on the articles they have been reading in “Girls’ Life” magazine before the test. Slow bunch...there were not many questions!

9:40~10:30: Taught 7th Graders all about prepositions of place and reviewed the gestures we made up for them: On= hand on your head. Above= Hand above your head, In= finger pointing in mouth, etc. Gave them a quiz and sang “There were 10 in the Bed” song.

10:40~11:30: Went to observe one of our student teacher’s classes (she is also a former student of the school). The content was about Hawaiian and she started the class with “Aloha”. Things get blurry in the class after that, as my mind was racing ahead in the day...

11:30~12:20: Finished printing, collating, stapling together and folding the prints I needed for the talk I was giving in Kofu city the next day. I finished just as the chime rang for the end of the hour.

12:20~ 1:10: I raced home and finished packing for my trip to Kofu city (two hours away in another prefecture of Japan). I ate a popsicle for “lunch” and sat under my air conditioning for ten minutes because it is still grotesquely hot here...Rolled my suitcase back to school, stuffed it in the womens’ locker room and dashed back upstairs for 5th hour class.

1:15~2:05: Taught the 10th grade South class about making and replying to requests and had them tell me about their summer vacations in three sentences in front of the class. When they finished, one of their friends had to ask them a question. Fun for all (and easy for a tired teacher..).

2:15~ 3:05: Used nearly the same exact lesson plan for the 10th grade East class...it had been a very long time since I had seen them, though, and so spent even longer on summer speeches.

3:15~3:45: Changed in to a T-shirt, jeans and apron to supervise (and help) 12 girls do “Chu-Soji” which means “Medium Cleaning” in the auditorium before our school festival this coming weekend. They had to sweep between seats for 1500, wipe down the wooden arm rests (not ALL 1500 though...) and sweep the stage. We found a pair of shorts in the aisles and had a good laugh about who forgot them there...various teachers names were offered...literally whistling while we worked (the auditorium has great acoustics), cleaning went by pleasantly.

3:46: Realized I had forgotten to pack the ONE shirt I wanted to wear for my presentation...changed back in to teacher clothes.

3:50~4:30: Practiced with a student who is participating in the Prefectural English Speech Contest soon....she speaks well but needs some more practice with her gestures and timing.

4:35: Dashed home ONCE MORE for the forgotten shirt...doused my body with a cooling powder spray, then dashed back to school.

4:55: Grabbed my suitcase from the womens’ locker room and met another teacher I was traveling with in front of the school to wait for our taxi.

5:00: Watched (no, in this heat, I MARVELED) as several girls from the cross country team came running back through the school gate from a long run in the park....

5:05: Got in the taxi, rode to the station.

5:15: Bought some bottled water, a newspaper, and some VERY CUTE “Shinkansen (bullet train) Goods” which I had JUST read about in the newspaper (and which are pictured above). Thought briefly about getting something to eat for dinner but decided to wait—surely there would be something on the train.

5:40~... There was nothing on the train. About half way through the two hour train trip I find some old Tic-Tacs I have in my bag and snack on those to tide me over.

7:10~ The other teacher is snoozing and I am listening to a Wait, Wait, Don’t tell Me podcast when WHAM! There is a horrible, horrible noise that comes from the train and the tracks below us. Immediately everyone is wide awake, big-eyed, and silent. We are all looking at one another for some kind of explanation but there isn’t one. As the train screeches to a halt, I realized I was bracing myself to by hit by another train (gruesome thought, I know!). Luckily, the conductor came on to say that we had hit an animal on the track. I was relieved that there wasn’t going to be another train involved, but I couldn’t imagine what kind of animal it was. We were half an hour late and our Principal, who had gone up earlier in the day, called to ask where we were...he was waiting for us at the station.

8:15 p.m. It is now nearly 8 hours since my pathetic popsicle lunch and the Tic-Tacs are doing nothing to stop the growling sounds my stomach is making. We decided to go to an Italian place in the station and ordered some local wine- the area is famous for it. Without that wine and my raging appetite, I don’t think I would have eaten most of that food...what is it about fake Italian places thinking they can fool people with ketchup in place of tomato sauce?! I was too tired and hungry to care though.

9:15: We checked in to the Royal Garden Hotel (not “royal” at all and no “garden” in sight!) and said our goodnights. I started peeling out of my clothes as I was locking the door and stood in the shower for 25 minutes.

9:45: It wasn’t until I was out of the shower that I realized the room was like an ice locker...so I spent about ten minutes searching for the controls. I had no luck and of course I was wide awake after the long shower, so I watched weird game shows and a mesmerizing documentary about people who have brains with “total recall”...I couldn’t turn it off!

12:00: The brain documentary ended and so did my energy- I plopped in to bed and reached above my head to turn off the room lights- happily discovering the air conditioning controls right next to them. The last thought I had was, “How could I have missed those earlier?!”.

FYI:
The next morning the newspapers told us that our train had hit an Inoshishi (ee-no-she-she) which is WILD BOAR in Japanese!
And, just in case you were wondering, my presentation went well. The other teacher and I absconded somewhat early from the conference to visit a winery and then a hot-spring, which advertised a wine-bath! It was heaven- just what I needed to relax and forget the crazy-busy previous day.

Japannequins!

Japannequins

By Jennifer A. Hansen

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